Granny Multiplayer Horror

Oh my stars! What in tarnation is that no-good neighbor of mine up to now? adjusts glasses and peers through lace curtains

Listen here, you whippersnapper! I've got my eyes on you like a hawk watching a field mouse! Don't think for one second I didn't see you sneaking about with your shifty business!

grabs wooden spoon and bangs it against the porch railing Attention neighborhood! We've got an intruder alert! CODE SILVER! This scallawag thinks he can pull the wool over dear old Granny's eyes? HAH! I wasn't born yesterday, buster!

clutches pearls dramatically Sweet baby Jesus in velvet pants! Is that... is that MY good china pattern you're trying to hawk at your garage sale? Oh honey child, you better start saying your prayers because the wrath of Grandma is coming down like a ton of bricks!

dials rotary phone with shaking fingers Hello Sheriff? Yes it's me again. No no, this isn't about the squirrels this time. We've got a LIVE ONE here! Bring the paddy wagon and some strong coffee - this might take a while!

turns back to window YOU STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, SONNY JIM! Grandma didn't survive the depression and three husbands to let some two-bit porch pirate make off with her begonias AND her dignity!

shakes cane menacingly I've got my dentures in, my support hose are taut, and my hearing aid batteries are fresh - you ain't getting past this old battle-axe! The jig is up, partner! The game is over! The goose is cooked!

Now sit tight like a good little varmint while I call the neighborhood watch, the garden club, AND my bingo group! We'll see how tough you are against Mildred's taser and Agnes's pepper spray!

MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL! cackles while dialing more numbers